Once you have met the one you want to be with—then you have to deal with the relationship. But first, one should note this question: “Are we equally committed at the same level?”  If one is more committed than the other, this could lead to extreme uncertainty. The one dragging their feet may be saying, “I want to see how this goes before I put two feet in.” Sounds logical, and yet you cannot really TEST the relationship well unless both have both feet in and give it a try that way. Otherwise one is always holding back and the shakiness of that makes one decide it cannot work. It was not a fair test.  Commitment means different things to different people. You may agree on commitment to monogamy or marriage or living together.

But what about a commitment to stick to some agreements that will help the relationship?  Markus and I made our first agreement rock solid: We both agreed to have a relationship free of conflict. Now, most people say that that is ridiculous and impossible. How do they know if they never committed to trying it?  It does not mean that things or issues don’t come up. They will. However, how you handle them is the key. We agree to handle them without anger and /or arguing. This simple agreement we have stuck to and it has created magic in our relationship. Of course, one has to know conflict resolution techniques.  These can easily be learned. I have mentioned them in nearly every book I have written on relationships.

I honor my master Babaji for teaching me this simple one.

Upon a situation where there is disagreement and potential upset.

1. We both agree to drop our “position”.
2. We both give up the need to be right.
3. We both agree to GO FOR SOLUTION.
4. We both agree that the solution would be the highest thought we could think of.
5. The highest thought is the one that is the most positive, the most loving, the most productive and the one that feels the best in your body.
6. If Markus channels the highest thought, I gladly go up to his thought. If I channel the highest thought, he gladly goes up to my thought.
7. If we cannot tell which is the highest thought (usually you can however) then we definitely do no argue about THAT. We would go apart a meditate and ask God and/or get the help of a third party who is more clairvoyant at the time. (A child could get the highest thought).

My point is you do need to decide early in the game how you are going to solve conflicts. Otherwise stuff will come up and you will just argue like everyone else and stay in a low vibration. You should understand each others’ upbringing on this issue. How did the parents on both sides handle differences? (Probably not well.)

Babaji also taught me how to handle anger and I have never heard a better recommendation than this one:

1. You don’t stuff your anger, as that hurts your body.
2. You don’t dump it on your mate or anyone else. That hurts them.
3. Instead, you CHANGE THE THOUGHT that causes the anger and breathe out the bad energy.

So we might say to each other this:  “I am feeling activated.” (I am NOT yelling or raising my voice, nor am I stuffing what I feel)  Then I say, “The negative thought that makes me feel activated is_________.” I express the cause of my anger then change the thoughts.

This always dissipates the charge. And—with the commitment to no-conflict—we can get over our activations a lot easier. You can try this and see the immediate results. You can also have a Liberation Breathing session which will really clear your head !!

Go here for more info on that:

LOVE,

SONDRA