Sine Qua Non : Without this, a Relationship does not exist.
The S.Q.N. of love. Sine Qua Non. Become aware of the one thing that the person you are looking for absolutely must have. Daphne Rose Kingma calls this the sine qua non of a relationship. In Latin, sine qua non means “without which not.” In a relationship it means without which the relationship would not exist. We all have something that is an uncompromisable requirement. It may be a positive thing they must have or it may be a negative requirement such as something they absolutely must not do, be or have. For example that they really don’t want to have children, use drugs or don’t want a conventional relationship.
It is so important because you really can’t get everything you want but it is important that you both get your S.Q.N. You will feel short changed if you get a handful of your preferences but not the one thing that fills your deepest need. Never underestimate it, as it is responsible for the oddest and happiest pairings. It may shift as you get older. For example, when you are young you may absolutely want a partner who wants children. But when you are middle aged, it might be that he or she shares your spiritual values.
For me monogamy was a no-brainer. But beside that, my S.Q.N. was to have a man who was willing to work on himself and clear himself. I never expected that I would find someone perfect who had not much to clear. We all have stuff to clear. Until we are like Jesus and Babaji all the time, we have something to clear. So then I said, all I cared about was that he was willing to clear himself with spiritual practices.
So I found that. Markus had a tough guru before me and he was used to looking at himself. He continues to do it all the time which I really appreciate. His teacher, Tara Singh, called this self-introspection “the love of correction.” Do you have the “love of correction?” It is the ultimate taking of responsibility. It is both of our S.Q.N.’s. It gets you out of the “blame game” into the realm of Spiritual Intimacy and ultimate accountability. What is your Sin Qua Non? Think about it.
From Daphne Rose Kingma’s book, FINDING TRUE LOVE.
You might like to order it off of Amazon. Even if you are already in a Relationship, it has some great pointers. You also may want to order our book on Spiritual Intimacy.