FIVE IMPORTANT THINGS that all Healthy Relationships Require
l. Enlightenment
The first of the FIVE IMPORTANT THINGS that all healthy relationships require is Enlightenment. We define that this way: Each partner must have the knowledge, understanding and application of the fact that their thoughts are producing their results. If neither have this understanding, it will be a mess. If one has this understanding and the other does not, it will be very difficult. If both have this knowledge and apply it, then they both know they can get out of any situation by changing their thoughts. If something is not working they can find out what the negative thought is that is causing a thing not to work. Then they can change that negative thought to a higher thought—affirmation.
It is a good plan for them to try to weed out all negativity in their relationship. This makes the relationship in a very high frequency. It feels good and makes them happy. Negativity brings a couple down.
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It is also fun to change thoughts to higher thoughts. It is a spiritual practice to observe one’s thoughts and constantly change them to higher thoughts. Of course this also means that the couple has to look at their subconscious negative thoughts as well. And how to do this? We have the technique. It is called Liberation Breathing. Liberation Breathing brings the subconscious mind to the conscious mind so you can see your suppressed negative thoughts and breathe them out. This makes all the difference in the world. It is a life long spiritual path. This process also includes cleaning up the past so that one is not dragging it into the present. For example: your anger at your parents can be cleaned up in Liberation Breathing and not be projected onto your partner.
2. Friendship
The second of the FIVE IMPORTANT THINGS that all healthy relationships require is Friendship. The quality of a relationship is built on a solid underlying friendship, which meets the needs of the two people involved. Friends treat each other in positive rewarding ways that cause each other to feel really good. Good friends would never criticize each other in front of others, and they speak to each other always sweetly. Features of real friendship are constancy and transparency. Real friends let you in and never let you down.
Your spouse should be your best friend. You should be as honest and forthright as you are with your best friend. With your best friend you do not put up defenses. You are open. You are free to say anything without hesitation. You are accepting of your partner when they are a friend. They focus on what they admire in their partner.
Being Your Mate’s Best Friend
3. Self-Esteem
The third of the FIVE IMPORTANT THINGS that all healthy relationships require is Self-Esteem. You have to love yourself before you will give another the opportunity to love you. If you love yourself you will be able to receive. If you don’t you will push away love. Love is a threat to those with low self-esteem. That is because one is always worried that he or she is not good enough or they worry that their mate will leave them.
A person with high self-esteem knows that they deserve love and they will not tolerate a mate who mistreats them. A person with high self-esteem easily can make his or her needs known and expects them to be met. He or she does not hesitate to teach their partner how to treat themselves. A person with high self-esteem is not a “bottomless pit” who is so needy because of insecurities.
This person who thinks well of themselves does not need constant reassurance.The person with high self-esteem takes responsibility for creating their experience. The person with self-esteem also promotes the self-esteem of their partner. This is totally different than being self centered by the way.
4. Good Communication
The fourth of the FIVE IMPORTANT THINGS that all healthy relationships require is Good Communication. One should communicate with a mate the way you would communicate with an honored guest. Criticism kills relationships. One should make every attempt to take anger out of the equation. One should not use attack sentences. Avoid using “you” sentences, like “You did this” or “You did that.” These are mostly blame sentences. One should learn compassionate communication:
a. What I observe in our relationship is ___________.
b. The way I feel about it is ___________.
c. What I need and/or recommend is _____________.
There is no blame or attack in this type of communication, which is also called Non-Violent Communication, or NVC, as taught by Rosenberg. Communication ends separation. Anger provokes separation. Communication is the way to feel CONNECTED and that is what people want in a relationship
There is also the 8 minute process that Markus and I made up and teach in the Loving Relationships Training.
Rules for the 8-minute process:
- You take turns and each speaks for 8 minutes.
- The person listening cannot speak or interrupt.
- The person listening cannot roll their eyes or make faces.
- The person listening cannot be rehearsing a rebuttal in their minds.
- The person listening looks in the eyes of the person speaking and cares about what is said.
- The person speaking uses non violent communication.
- The person speaking shares for 8 minutes.
- Then they switch
People just want to be heard. After this process it is easier to have a compatible discussion. See our full post here on Communication.
5. Spiritual Life and Spiritual practices
The fifth of the FIVE IMPORTANT THINGS that all healthy relationships require is a strong Spiritual Life. This relationship is not only horizontal with agreements they have made with each other. It is also “vertical.” That is they have committed their relationship to the Holy Spirit also and have “invited in” the Holy Spirit to their relationship. They have made vows to God and to each other. They have not only promised to be loving, faithful and true to each other—but also to God.
They have a spiritual friendship and do spiritual practices together. They help each other become the person God wants them to be. In other words, it is a spiritual partnership where they are together for the evolution of their souls. Both know this and honor this. They are committed to each other’s holiness. They are committed to each other’s greatness.They make each other stronger not weaker. They are ascending the ladder holiness together.
There is a lot of truth to the common adage, “A couple who prays together stays together.” Giving some attention to your Spiritual Life will strengthen and enrich your bond together. It will bring a clear Purpose into your life and keep you on the High Road to Happiness.
Love,
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